


White Blank Page

by charrrrmer



Category: MCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:09:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28746723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charrrrmer/pseuds/charrrrmer
Summary: It starts with a headache, and ends with a broken heart.
Relationships: Iron Man/Captain American, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	White Blank Page

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 2012 right after the first Avengers movie came out, I just found it on an old laptop and decided to upload it. It's angsty and sad and I lowkey regret writing it, but I hope someone out there enjoys it.

Steve Rogers has a headache, which is a problem, considering he hasn’t had one in over 70 years. Not since he’d been injected with the serum that had transformed him into Captain America. 

The headache had started as a dull pressure behind his eyes. He’d shrugged it off, not thinking anything of it. Then, a few days later, he’s plagued by a sharp knocking sensation against the back of his skull. When he wakes up one morning with dull vision and a pain like boiling acid in his head, he decides it’s time to ask some questions. And he knows someone that might have the answers. 

Tony Stark takes one look at Steve’s pained expression and sends him straight down to the lab. “I’ll run some tests, figure out what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.” 

Steve trusts him.

Sitting in a large chair, wires running from his scalp to beeping and chirping monitors, Steve waits patiently for Tony to finish his tests. Tony moves back and forth between the machines that Steve doesn’t understand, absorbed in the charts and diagrams that appear before him. Steve has so many questions, but he lets Tony work.

Some minutes later, Tony turns chalk white, “Wait here. Don’t move.” 

He leaves Steve amidst the unfamiliar electronics.

He returns just a few minutes later with Dr. Bruce Banner trailing along behind him.

Bruce, the doctor now, not the friend, nods at Steve and goes straight to the computer screens. 

Tony moves over to Steve and begins detaching him from the machines, “I brought Bruce down to double check a few things. He knows more about biochemistry than I do. ” 

Steve grins and stands to stretch his legs, “Did I just hear Tony Stark admit that- AH.” His jibe falls short as electric bolts fire through his skull. He doubles over, clenching his forehead. Bruce jumps into action, crossing the room in seconds and helps ease Steve back into the chair.

When the fires behind his eyelids finally dim down, Steve blinks cautiously, giving his sore eyes time to adjust. He see’s Bruce and Tony hunched over a table a few feet away, whispering and shuffling through papers. 

Tony looks up and Steve’s eyes are met by poorly masked concern. “Just a minute Steve, we’re going over a few things and then we’re gonna get a CT scan done. We just want to make sure we don’t miss anything.” 

Steve leans back and closes his eyes; he tries to remember anything that Howard or Dr. Erskine might have mentioned about headaches or side effects. He can’t remember… In fact, he can hardly remember anything they’d told him… He sits up, his eyes open wide, “Tony-” his throat constricts and he can feel his stomach drop, “I’m having a hard time remembering- things…” 

Bruce looks up as Tony hurries across the room, “’Things’? What kind of things Cap?” He pulls up a computer screen and starts tapping his fingers across the surface, “Names, faces, or little things? Recent things or things from way back?” 

Steve closes his eyes, “I can’t remember conversations I had… with How- uh, Dr. Erskine.” He peeks at Tony, trying to see if he’d caught the slip. If he did, he didn’t show it. He just kept typing on the screen in front of him. 

After a few seconds of loaded silence Tony finally turns to Steve, “Anything else; is it just the conversations?” Steve nods. Tony stares at him for a moment, and then a grin spreads across his face, “Aw Cap, that’s nothing to worry about. Most people start forgetting things like that when they get to be your age.” He winks at the blonde and turns back to Bruce, he claps his hands together and sighs, “So, let’s get this show on the road, the sooner we get our poster boy fixed up, the sooner I can get back to whatever the hell it is I do.” Steve can hear the slight edge to Tony’s voice, and he knows that he’s just being an ass to cover up what he already knows about Steve’s condition. 

“Tony…” Steve stands, slowly this time, “…what are you not telling me?” 

Tony, keeping his back to Steve, walks back over to the table where Bruce stands, silently watching Steve as if afraid he might fall over and break. “I don’t know anything for sure yet…”

“Tony-” 

“There’s nothing to tell yet, Steve! Just, let me finish running the tests!” Still avoiding eye contact, yet, obviously agitated, Tony gathers some folders and locks them in a briefcase, grabbing his jacket he turns to Bruce, “Can we go now? Please?” Bruce glances at Tony, almost pitifully, before grabbing his own jacket. Both men start making their way to the door.

“Stop,” Steve’s voice has taken on the tone he usually reserves for times of command, “Tell me what you know.” Tony looks up at the ceiling and runs his free hand through his hair, after a moment he turns and finally looks at Steve, his mouth hanging slightly open. Steve breaks eye contact when it becomes clear that Tony is at a loss for words, his eyes fall instead to the man just behind him, “Bruce?” 

The doctor sighs and after a quick glance at Tony, who is now staring intently at the floor, he approaches a monitor to the left of Steve. He flips a few switches and the transparent screen buzzes to life, “We should get a second opinion really…” he mutters as a three dimensional image of a brain, Steve’s brain, projects from the screen, “…but from what we can tell, Steve, it looks like parts of your brain are… deteriorating…” a sympathetic glance, Bruce the friend, peeking out from behind the mask of professionalism. 

Sure enough, the projection of Steve’s brain showed fuzzy spots… two; small, about the size of peas, on the parietal lobe. That would explain the ringing in his ears, and why he suddenly couldn’t recall his mother’s name.

“No more tests…” Steve mutters after a few moments, “Just… no more…” With that the soldier turns and starts for the door, only to be stopped by a gentle yet firm hand on his shoulder.

“Steve, wait… what-” Tony stares, confused, by his friends demeanor, “-if we don’t do more tests, how can we find a solution?”

Steve pulls away from Tony’s grip, “You really think you can find a solution?” He turns to meet Tony’s gaze, “My brain is deteriorating. You can’t reverse that process.” 

“Steve, you can’t just give up, we haven’t even figured out what’s causing it…” Bruce approaches the duo, speaking slowly, “We can stop it from progressing if we figure out-”

“It’s the serum!” Steve snaps, raking his fingers through his hair, “…of course it’s the serum.” He turns away, resting his forehead against the cool glass door, relishing the way it diminishes the burn behind his eyes.

“We can still find a solution, Cap…” Tony’s voice is soft, almost pleading… 

Steve sighs, “And if there isn’t a cure?” 

Tony looks up at him, helpless. 

Steve takes a deep breath, “I knew this was too good to last, I knew the risks going into the project… I- have to deal with the consequences… I have to accept that this…” he looks forlornly at the projection across the room, “…this is the result of a stupid kid that wouldn’t take no for an answer.” He runs a hand across his face and opens the door, “Run your tests… just, don’t be disappointed when there is no solution…” He moves to pass through the doorway but pauses, “And don’t… don’t tell the others… not yet.” And with that, he’s gone.

Tony is left with a chill deep in his bones… he feels as if his entire world has turned sideways. 

Over the course of the next few days, Bruce and Tony stay holed up in Tony’s lab, occasionally surfacing to ask Steve questions, or drag him downstairs for blood tests and updated brain scans. 

Four days after the initial scan, another fuzzy spot appears. 

The day after, Steve notices his peripheral vision is becoming hazy.

The next week passes, Steve’s vision becomes mostly central, Tony and Bruce don’t sleep, and Natasha becomes suspicious. 

“Steve, what’s going on?” The red haired assassin wastes no time, “Are you sick?” She leans against the counter where Steve is staring into space, having forgotten what he came to the kitchen for in the first place.

He turns to the woman he is proud to call his friend, a little ashamed that he hadn’t included her sooner, “My brain is deter- uh, fuzzy…? It’s… the serum.” He looks down at the floor, redness flooding his cheeks in his embarrassment at having forgotten the word to describe his condition. 

Natasha squints analytically at him before she responds, “Bruce and Tony will find a solution.”

Steve is tired of arguing, he nods and retreats to his room. 

That night the Avengers are called to save New York from the monster of the week, or, a league of Doom Bots. Steve forgets to call out the infamous “Avengers, assemble” so Tony does it, albeit halfheartedly. 

Everyone seems to manage just fine for the first few minutes of battle, but Tony loses sight of Steve when part of a bot that’d just been torn in two by Hulk flies from left field and knocks him out of trajectory. 

Tony scrambles to get to a higher altitude, scanning the ground for any sign of the star-spangled man. He spots him after only a moment, he’s lying half under a slab of concrete, unconscious. 

Stark takes out a bot that gets a little too close to Steve and links Nat on the comm line, “Cap is down, wrap this up, I’m taking him back to the tower.”

Natasha responds an affirmative and the line falls silent. 

Tony gets Steve settled into the infirmary, attaching monitors to watch his brain waves.

Steve doesn’t wake up until the following afternoon.

Sunlight filters through the slightly cracked blinds, casting lines of golden light across the super soldiers sleeping face. Tony lightly touches Steve’s cheek with his fingertips as he presses his lips to the sleeping mans forehead. His skin is warm to the touch.

A few moments later, a weary Bruce enters the room, holding two steaming mugs of coffee in his hands and a manila folder tucked under his right elbow, “Any change?” 

Tony accepts the offered cup and shakes his head.

Bruce sighs and holds the manila folder in his free hand, “I printed out all his scans and lab results. We can work in here until he wakes up.” Bruce sees a shadow pass over Tony’s face and adds, “He will wake up…” 

Almost as if he’d heard the doctor, Steve’s eyelids flutter open and his eyes roll to rest on Tony.

Tony sees the confusion on his face and knows the question before it’s asked…

“Howard?”

Steve’s voice is raspy and weak but it knocks the air out of Tony like a fist to the gut. He drops his cup and the ceramic shatters on the linoleum, coffee running in rivulets around his shoes. The air in the room grows heavy and Tony can only see Steve’s hazy blue eyes, piercing him.

“No, Steve, its Tony… you remember me…?” Tony isn’t sure how he’s able to get the words past his lips; he thinks he might be sick. 

Steve stares at him blankly for a moment before he turns his head to slowly survey the room, “Where am I?” His voice is hard, underlined with panic.

Tony exhales sharply through his nose, “Steve…”

The soldier sits up, throwing the blanket off of him, starts to stand and notices the cords attaching him to the monitors, “What is this?!” The panic in his voice rises as he pulls the sticky pads at the ends of the wires from his temples and neck, “Who the hell are you?!” 

Tony moves to take a step towards the confused man, reaching out his hand in a futile attempt to calm him, "Steve, please-"

Steve lunges forward and wraps his large hands around Tony’s biceps, pushing him back until they hit a wall, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!” His face is red and angry, saliva flicks from his lips and lands across Tony’s stricken face.

Bruce reaches out but stops when Tony shakes his head, “Go Bruce, get out...” Tony’s voice is barely a whisper, his eyes never leave Steve’s face, “Go, now.” 

Bruce knows if he stays, he'll lose his control. He leaves.

Natasha and Clint are in the hall.

“What’s going on?” Natasha’s green eyes are laced with worry and venom.

Bruce stutters, spilling his cup of coffee on the plush carpet under his feet, “S-Steve…”

Natasha doesn’t wait for any more of an explanation; she enters the infirmary just as Steve throws Tony across the room, like a rag doll.

“TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!”

Steve is across the room, holding Tony up by his throat before Natasha can register what is happening, “WHO. ARE. YOU?!”

Tony can only grunt and whine in reply, Steve brings his arm back and slams his fist forward into Tony’s face.

Natasha snaps.

She’s wrapped around Steve’s back before Tony even hits the ground; she slams her elbow into his levator scapula, knocking him out just long enough for Clint to pump sedatives into Steve’s veins. 

That night, Tony drinks whiskey for the first time in 5 years.

Steve doesn’t wake up the next day, but he’s in stable condition, hovering somewhere between worlds. Tony doesn’t visit him.

Bruce continues searching for a cure, Tony nurses his hangover. Natasha and Clint take turns monitoring Steve. No one speaks.

This goes on for two days.

Pepper Potts shows up on the third day. She takes one look at Tony’s bruised face and the whiskey bottles on the counter and decides to spend the day curled up next to Tony while he sleeps off the alcohol. She doesn’t tell him that he cries in his sleep.

Over the next couple days Pepper becomes the only light in Tony’s life. She goes from room to room; making sure everything is taken care of. The bottles of whiskey disappear, replaced with balanced meals and soothing words. She doesn’t mention Steve at all.

One week since Steve has been under, Bruce knows.

They’re just waiting now.

Bruce puts away his research, Natasha and Clint aren’t just monitoring anymore.

They prepare their goodbyes.

Tony still doesn’t visit.

Three days later, it’s time.

Nat and Clint go together; neither of them says a word. They just take him in. Their leader, their comrade… their friend. 

Bruce goes next; spilling apologies because he couldn’t find a cure… he was supposed to find a cure. He’s so sorry. 

Tony spends the day in his lab, tinkering with Dummy. 

Pepper finds him just before sunset.

“Tony… come upstairs.” Her voice is soft, like a caress. Tony feels nauseous. “Please Tony, please forgive him… let him know you forgive him.”

Tony doesn’t say that he never blamed Steve. He doesn’t say that he’s punishing himself. Pepper probably knows.

The sun is sinking below the horizon when Tony enters the infirmary alone.

He approaches the bed slowly, staring at the wall where a solitary lamp is fixed, casting a dim light across the figure in the bed below it.

He pauses, barely a foot away, swallows past the lump in his throat. When he steps forward his hand reaches out, fingertips brushing the peaceful face of his best friend, the man he’d hoped…

That doesn’t matter anymore.

With a sob that seems to come from the soles of feet, Tony falls forward, pulling himself onto the narrow bed beside Steve’s unmoving form.

He presses his face into the crook of Steve’s neck and wraps one arm across his chest, Tony’s hand coming up to cup his jaw. 

“You can’t just leave me Steve,” Tony whispers into the shell of his soldiers’ ear, “I need you…” He takes a shuddering breath, “…I love you. I’m sorry.” 

Tony continues to whisper everything he’s kept from the man he loved so much, he confesses everything; he apologizes for not telling him before… Tony tells him how much he loved him. He thinks Steve probably knew.

Steve Rogers passes away at 6:56am, sunlight streaming through the cracked blinds, in the arms of the man who infuriated and loved him.

After the funeral, Pepper stays in the tower with the others. She says it’s because she doesn’t want to be alone. She doesn’t say she stays for Tony’s sake. Tony probably already knows.

After a few weeks of tiptoeing around the tower, Clint decides to do some traveling, he asks Natasha to go with him.

Natasha goes back to S.H.I.E.L.D.

Bruce goes to work in a hospital in Seattle, to develop more research on a cure for Alzheimer’s. 

Pepper takes care of Tony. Makes sure he eats and showers… Makes sure the company is still running. She’ll stay as long as he needs her. But she doesn’t tell him that. He definitely already knows that.


End file.
